As we were driving home yesterday from a long overdue family meal with Scott's family in Michigan....I had such a feeling of..... I guess a homesickness, as we drove past our old house….in the last almost decade, I really haven’t had that happen. I suppose it is just hormones, or maybe it was seeing all the kids grown up and with children of their own….not sure….It seems the first 6 years of our life her in the fort was marked with trial and suffering…pain and loss. It kept us on our knees, but desperately stuck and pre-occupied coping and sorting thru the various incidents….in many ways I feel as if I was robbed of my girls growing up years….missed moments, missed banquets….missed oppourtunities…….it feels like those brief….yet induring years just flew by as it pertains to my life with my children……yet as I watch them all together married, settled and growing families of their own…..it seems nothing is missing except my longing for restoration of time……but today the sun is out……and I am thankful for the sanctity of life, the creation of new and sustanation of existing… I will ever be thankful for that! The Lord is faithful and just….he knows just what we need….he knows our longings and grieving……desires and voids……he provides the holy spirit for all these things.
As I type this sorting thru my own feelings and sense of loss...friends of ours across the street are leaving for a funeral this morning, of a young mom of four who's life was suddenly called home this week. she had a brain aneurysm and in less than 24 hours the decision was made to cease life support.....and i think i have missed time, years and opportunities.......I have seen what the precipice of unexpected and untimely death can look like....feel like......and it is tragic and scary.....even with Gods assurance....especially when it comes sooo unexpectedly.........but you hang on.....and you breath.....and you put one foot in front of the other everyday....We were spared......
The pain can be paralyzing when you are in the midst of a sudden trial or tragedy .......crippling when you walk a journey that is mark with ongoing trials and sufferings....but with God's grace and mercy and life sustaining power.....we can find contentment, rest and peace in Him.......and the strength to carry on. for this life is truly temporal.....but in our finite beings we cannot fathom how that looks.......i wish i could see it more clearly......not hold on so tightly.......
I thank the Lord for the sun today and for the warmth of this approaching season...and for breath and life and all that comes with it on this journey of life .......including the suffering and the trials and the pain we experience in this temporal place that we are just passing thru…for I know that all i have gone thru and all I will go thru....... are who make me....me......that God is at work in my life and refining me.......... I pray for him to keep my eyes set on the goal..... on the eternal prize.....on a perfect home….a resting place set aside for me…….to be in perfect harmony, and peace with our dear creator…..I ask him to help me to trust….rest….rely….breathe and find contentment in HIM and in all the things of this life even the tough ones!
So.....homesickness? ......I am not sure.....but i know........ my life may not be what I had planned......but I am blessed.....and I would not trade one minute of it if it is what brings me closer to the Lord and his plan for my life.......everyday and breath the creator give me is a precious gift.......I have been spared much deeper scars then the ones I wear......these very scars serve as reminders to me of where I have been ....and the journey I am on....to a better place......one where there will be no tears, no pain, suffering, trials or loss. Until then I will work hard and quit licking my wounds and appreciate the scars for the reminders of how merciful or Lord is. ( point of grace)
I love music...sometimes it can speak to my soul in a way that nothing else can.....so here is another....
Carrie Underwood has a a great song out and I love the last verse and the ongoing chorus: It is soo true and if we can hold on to that truth....maybe our days here will pass a little easier..even when it is hard to breath.......and it will help us set our priorities differently.....share the truth......and have a passion for the relationships we have......and be ever mindful of those divine opportunities to share with others about our real home.....and the homesickness we should be feeling! I will leave you with the lyrics to this song.....If you click on the link you can select an option to listen to the song........
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Have a miraculous day.......if we are breathing......they all are...................
http://www.elyricsworld.com/temporary_home_lyrics_carrie_underwood.htm
Temporary Home Lyrics
Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad,another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face
"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."
Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
Because a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world
"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."
Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."
"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."
This is our temporary home
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