Fine Tuning.......what station are you listening to?

I have been learning a lot about myself lately and trying to specifically fine tune my relationship with God and how I relate and interrelate with others and the needs around me.....and my own personal needs.  Letting go of unreasonable expectations.....letting myself off the hook a bit......and really seeking what the Lord sees.....really trying to listen to the "right" station and not all the static .....and demands of the world........ and even some of the people around me....to have reliance and confidence in my creator and by proxy in the decisions I make.......I am learning to pray everyday for Him to allow me to see myself, as he sees me......my day, as he sees it,  and others, as he sees them....and what my roll should be in their lives,and needs....if any....taking this time to allow the holy spirit to guide my thougths, impulses, perceptions, desires.....and..... expectations, of others, and of myself,...........

Sometimes we can become too self absorbed in the "tasks" of the day in the  "needs" of ourselves,  and others ......and fall prey to rigid schedules and expectations on our selves and others.......that we lose the precious time that HE would have for us to be with him, or sharing the gospel with another.... creating more stress, frustration, and a feeling of failure at the end of our day......despite the fact that it may seem that all we do would be in "service" to the Lord.....  "good things"...... serving each other as if they we were serving Jesus as the scriptures say.......  We may lose our perspective or priority.....put the cart before the carriage, if you will,...... and forget or lose sight of who really Meets all of our needs.....and who appoints who should meet our earthly needs and others needs.....and the priority of doing so.......

Sometimes we may take on too much...robbing ourselves and others of seeking God for sustaination and learning the valuable lesson of seeking him first....... and the reward of seeing that be answered...... or not.......and,  if not,  the value in learning to be content with the status quo' or the strength that is sometimes found in seeing God give you the strength to endure, to mature and be refined..........some of us are gifted in the area of service, we quickly perceive or anticipate a need..... we "jump" in to "serve" or meet a "need" before considering what the Lord sees.....we then, may possibly be robbing the joy and lesson that another might gain from serving another, Or....that the Lord is allowing the person in need...to be in need.....and to work thru that on their own.......On the flip side we may not take on or serve enough....not be sensitive or perceptive or maybe not willing....The choice to not serve or be involved...... to have no expectation of your self or perception of anothers need may result in  self centerdness and self sustaination that isn't reliant on God........

Ironically, I have come to believe, both these scenarios can be harmful....too much "good" serving, parenting, housekeeping etc.....can be counter productive when the end of our day results in frustration, over~whelment, or disappointment.......we put our selves at risk if we are not prioritizing our day the way the Lord would have it........starting our day, conducting our lives the way God has asked us too........ All of this can feel overwhelming....and frustrating......we all are faulty in thinking we know best......finding the balance is such a tender place...

In a book i am reading for our ABF class (Crazy Love by Francis Chan).....he asks...."do you recognize the foolishness of seeking fulfillment outside of Him?"  we spent our entire class time discussing this first sentence of a chapter......most of us at a glance would say yes of course!  but with deeper examination and soul searching I think most of us would have to deduct that we really do not......I think we look for fulfilment constantly in our expectations of life, our expectations of others, our expectation of ourselves and.....our expectation of God instead of focusing on HIS expectation of us.....and how he can fulfill us....guide us and give us peace if only we OBEY! In every facet of our lives...we need to see ourselves as HE see us, design our day as he sees it according to his purpose, seek him wholeheartedly, and at the end of the day we will know that with the holy spirit guiding our choices and decisions that we can be..... at peace....and that we are "tuning" in to the right station.

Homesick

As we were driving home yesterday from a long overdue family meal with Scott's family in Michigan....I had such a feeling of..... I guess a homesickness, as we drove past our old house….in the last almost decade, I really haven’t had that happen.  I suppose it is just hormones, or maybe it was seeing all the kids grown up and with children of their own….not sure….It seems the first 6 years of our life her in the fort was marked with trial and suffering…pain and loss.  It kept us on our knees, but desperately stuck and pre-occupied coping and sorting thru the various incidents….in many ways I feel as if I was robbed of my girls growing up years….missed moments, missed banquets….missed oppourtunities…….it feels like those brief….yet induring years just flew by as it pertains to my life with my children……yet as I watch them all together married, settled and growing families of their own…..it seems nothing is missing except my longing for restoration of time……but today the sun is out……and I am thankful for the sanctity of life, the creation of new and sustanation of existing… I will ever be thankful for that!  The Lord is faithful and just….he knows just what we need….he knows our longings and grieving……desires and voids……he provides the holy spirit for all these things.   


As I type this sorting thru my own feelings and sense of loss...friends of ours across the street are leaving for a funeral this morning, of a young mom of four who's life was suddenly called home this week.  she had a brain aneurysm and in less than 24 hours the decision was made to cease life support.....and i think i have missed time, years and opportunities.......I have seen what the precipice of unexpected and untimely death can look like....feel like......and it is tragic and scary.....even with Gods assurance....especially when it comes sooo unexpectedly.........but you hang on.....and you breath.....and you put one foot in front of the other everyday....We were spared......


The pain can be paralyzing when you are in the midst of a sudden trial or tragedy .......crippling when you walk a journey that is mark with ongoing trials and sufferings....but with God's grace and mercy and life sustaining power.....we can find contentment, rest and peace in Him.......and the strength to carry on.  for this life is truly temporal.....but in our finite beings we cannot fathom how that looks.......i wish i could see it more clearly......not hold on so tightly.......


I thank the Lord  for the sun today and for the warmth of this approaching season...and for breath and life and all that comes with it on this journey of life .......including the suffering and the trials and the pain we experience  in this temporal place that we are just passing thru…for I know that all i have gone thru and all I will go thru....... are who make me....me......that God is at work in my life and refining me.......... I pray for him to keep my eyes set on the goal..... on the eternal prize.....on a perfect home….a resting place set aside for me…….to be in perfect harmony, and peace with our dear creator…..I ask him to help me to trust….rest….rely….breathe and find contentment in HIM and in all the things of this life even the tough ones!  


So.....homesickness?  ......I am not sure.....but i know........ my life may not be what I had planned......but I am blessed.....and I would not trade one minute of it if it is what brings me closer to the Lord and his plan for my life.......everyday and breath the creator give me is a precious gift.......I have been spared much deeper scars then the ones I wear......these very scars serve as reminders to me of where I have been ....and the journey I am on....to a better place......one where there will be no tears, no pain, suffering, trials or loss.  Until then I will work hard and quit licking my wounds and appreciate the scars for the reminders of how merciful or Lord is.  ( point of grace) 


 I love music...sometimes it can speak to my soul in a way that nothing else can.....so here is another.... 


Carrie Underwood has a a great song out and I love the last verse and the ongoing chorus:  It is soo true and if we can hold on to that truth....maybe our days here will pass a little easier..even when it is hard to breath.......and it will help us set our priorities differently.....share the truth......and have a passion for the relationships we have......and be ever mindful of those divine opportunities to share with others about our real home.....and the homesickness we should be feeling!  I will leave you with the lyrics to this song.....If  you click on the link you can select an option to listen to the song........
.
Have a miraculous day.......if we are breathing......they all are...................


http://www.elyricsworld.com/temporary_home_lyrics_carrie_underwood.htm

Temporary Home Lyrics

Little boy, 6 years old
A little too used to bein' alone
Another new mom and dad,another school
Another house that'll never be home
When people ask him how he likes this place
He looks up and says with a smile upon his face

"This is my temporary home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this is my
Temporary Home."

Young mom on her own
She needs a little help got nowhere to go
She's lookin' for a job, lookin' for a way out
Because a half-way house will never be a home
At night she whispers to her baby girl
Someday we'll find a place here in this world

"This is our temporary home
It's not where we belong
Windows and rooms that we're passin' through
This is just a stop, on the way to where we're going
I'm not afraid because I know this is our
Temporary Home."

Old man, hospital bed
The room is filled with people he loves
And he whispers don't cry for me
I'll see you all someday
He looks up and says "I can see God's face."

"This is my temporary Home
It's not where I belong
Windows and rooms that I'm passin' through
This was just a stop,on the way to where I'm going
I'm not afraid because I know this was
My temporary home."

This is our temporary home 

Breathe

There are so many people in my life that i care about and love that are  right now struggling…struggling with depression, anger, betrayal, pain, and loss......this life can be such a painful journey......  I hate that life can be that way….yet it is sometimes the very thing that refines us……as I was wanting to encourage some of these people in my life today I was going to the word and asking for the creators take on all this......below are a few things I found as encouragement......and below that my "meanderings"  i thought possibly there are some of you that are struggling today to......take heart in your creator.....he has covered it  all for you.......he deeply desires a relationship with you.  one that will sustain and grow you in ways you never could imagine....the road isn't easy.....i won't lie......but it is one worth taking!  

I was reading today……Proverbs 15:9 The Lord hates what evil people do, but he loves those who do what is right.  

“Perhaps the wound is old.  A parent abused you.  A teacher slighted you.  A mate betrayed you……and your angry.  Or perhaps the wound is fresh.  The friend who owes you money just drove by in a new car.  The boss who hired you with promises of promotions has forgotten how to pronounce your name….and you are hurt.  Part of you is broken, and the other part is bitter.  Part of you wants to cry, and part of you wants to fight….there is a fire burning in your heart.  it’s the fire of anger…..and you are left with a decision, Do I put the fire out or heat it up?  Do I get over it or get even?  Do I release it or resent it?  Do I let my hurts heal, or do I let hurt trun into hate?….Unfaithfulness is wrong.  Revenge is bad.  But the worst part of all its that, without forgiveness, bitterness is all that is left…….” 

 (from the applause of heaven)

Psalm 30:11 You took away my clothes of sadness, and clothed me in happiness. 

“the first step to joy is a plea for help, an acknowledgment of moral destitution , an admission of inward paucity.  Those who taste God’s presence have declared spiritual bankruptcy and are aware of their spiritual crisis.  Their cupboards are bare.  Their pockets are empty.  Their options are gone.  They have long since stopped demanding justice; they are pleading for mercy….they ask God to do for them what they  can’t do without him.  They have seen how holy /god is and how sinful they are and have agreed with Jesus’ statement “salvation is impossible.” ….Oh the irony of /god’s delight --born in the parched soil of destitution rather than the fertile ground of enrichment.  It’s a different path, a path we’re not accustomed to taking.  We don’t often declare our impotence.  Admission of failure is not usually admission into joy.  Complete confession is not commonly followed by total pardon.  But then again, God has never been governed by what is common.”  

(from the applause of heaven)

1 peter 5:10 He called you to share in his glory in christ, a glory that will continue forever. 

“ to believe we ar totally and eternally debt free is seldom easy.  Even if we’ve stood before the throne and heard it from the king himself, we still doubt.  As a result, many are forgiven only a little, not because the grace of the king is little but because the faith of the sinner is small.  God is willing to forgive all,  He’s willing to wipe the slate completely clean.  He guides us to a pool of mercy and invites us to bathe.  Some plunge in, but others just touch the surface.  They leave feeling unforgiven….where the grace fo God is missed, bitterness is born.  But where the grace of god is embraced, forgiveness flourishes….the more we immerse ourselves in grace, the more likely we are to give grace.” 

(from the grip of grace)

Patsy Clairmont says…” the valley views are so restrictive, which is why we think we’ll never find our way out, but the lessons are plentiful and tend to go deep into our souls.  that’s the thing about valleys;  they usually are fertile with truth.  I’ve found that most of us initially respond to the valleys the same way.  We say to ourselves, if I ever get out of here, I’ll never come back to this place again.”  and even thought we may end up paying a return visit, each time we do we learn more….more about who we are, what we are made of, and how we relate to others.  Of course, what we do with what we learn often determines the value of our own counsel.  In the book of Nehemiah a valley verse caught my eye.  Actually it was a phrase; “the priests, the men of the valley carried out repairs” ( neh.  3:22) I wonder if folks in that day referred to them as “the men of the valley.”  they were priests, god’s called men.  And they found them selves in a low place.  And surel it was a down time since their city was in ruins, their people scattered, and they had been relegated to valley living.  It doesn’t seem to matter if we are priest or pagan, rich or poor, male of female, young or old, valley times come to us all. And I think sometimes we who treasure our faith are  joltd because we think somehow our beliefs will deflect hard times.  In truth, moany of god;s people have lived some of their most vital years, while making their greatest contributions to others, while in deep valleys.  Priests and peasants included.  Our hearts are especially consoled when someone volunteers to go into the valley with us the essence of giving comfort…..is never to abandon the person --to keep showing up, no matter what!……………….when christs disciples joined him on a mountaintop, they wantedt o build booths and remain there )luke 9:33) who wouldn’t?  the views were magnificent, and the company divine.  But jesus led them back down the mountain to the valley where they would WALK out there faith.  That true for us too.  We may visit spiritual mountaintops, but more than likely, we will live out most of our existence in the lesson laden valleys.  The valleys of grueling work, disappointing people, financial reversals, devious enemies, untimely (from our perspective) deaths, and physical maladies, which seem to be part of our ongoing existence if not education on this dusty planet.  No wonder folks sing with such gusto, “ one bright morning…..I’ll fly away.”………………………….................... “ valley life is demanding, which is why I’m not surprised to find in the book of Nehemiah our valley men, the priests, involved in the repair work.  This tells me we had better roll up the sleeves of our faith and be ready and willing to enter even the valley with a strong work ethic… as with nehemiahs people whether or not we are called on to mix the mortar ,, hang the door, or spit polish the tower, lets go forth and do so with all our hearts, minds, and strength.  For lowly work often leads to lifted spirits……………………………I heard and old song sung many years ago by a southern pastor and his wife, who at the time were in the valley of rejection.  “I’ve got one more valley, one more hill, maybe one more trial, one more tear, one more curve in the road, maybe one more mile to go, I’ll lay down my heavy load when I get home,” …..remember, until  you arrive home, valleys have rich soil from the mountain runoff; valleys are where the flower flourish and the trees bear fruit.  And valleys cause mountaintop views to be that much more breathtaking.  So be cheered, for “he restores my (our) soul.”

 I hope this encourages you today. I dont' pretend to have all the answers…..all I can do is to share my journey and the things the Lord has and is teaching and refining in me….so here is some reflections and a few tidbits from where I am at….maybe there will be a sliver of truth and wisdom  you can glean from or identify with……..

My life is soooo not where I thought I would be even just 10 years ago…….definitely not where I saw myself 20 years ago……most the dreams and aspirations of that 20, 30, something have gone……but god has replaced in me a desire for what he wants…….and that is a very different role than I may have seen for myself.  Of course there are still days when my human fleshly desires, dreams want to supercede what is……but I lean not on my understanding and let go….b/c if I didn’t I think I would plunge into a sea of despair……not because my life is sooo awful but because I am so sinful and left to my own would want what I want and be very self focused……or/other focused ( as in keeping up)…….that is sin nature.  WE fight it everyday.  I am learning day by day that life is so much more than success, money, retirement, health, ease, relaxation……and more about Love, serving, relationships, provision, today, perseverance, and true rest……to name a few.  Unless god chooses, we will not be wealthy, we may never attain a bigger or better house, we may not even attain a savings let alone retirement fund, I may not wear mall clothing or wash my hair in salon shampoo or adorn my face with trendy products.  But god has allowed us to survive thru amazing defeating situations…..he has sustained lives when they could’ve been lost, he has given sanity and clarity where I thought there was no hope, I have never went with out food, ( it may not be organic or fun) but we are fed and often feed many others…..( I have the 20 pounds to prove it J)  I have children and grandchildren in our lives that have been pulled from the fire and given new hope and new beginnings……I have endured sleep deprevation, unending pain……marital dismay, disappointment in others and myself…loss of relationships and friendships……betrayal….…financial setbacks, job changes-making huge income changes, yet seeing god allow us to live abundantly on much much less….and allowing our family to be happier and have more meaningful time to work out our relationships….and opportunity to  walk out our faith.  he has reconciled many relationships, healed our hearts from betrayal….he is still teaching me what it means to be content, be committed, be God focused, family focused, other focused……..to still care for myself…….yet not let it consume me…..to have a fulfilling relationship with my creator…….to savor every moment….no matter how small or insignificant…….I am learning to take it as it comes (well….most the time) …..to let go of what can wait…….to pray, read, rest, hold that hand, wipe that tear, read that book to a grandchild, or take that walk……I am behind most of the time…….and often have the fringes of complete overwhelmant overtaking my being…….my hormones are a three ring circus……..and many things I wish would change have not…….so…..I give myself room to breath…….let things go I never would’ve, take the time to talk to a friend instead of cleaning or scheduling or obsessing……take time to pray over catching up on the news…….or planning a “big meal” take a walk with scott over folding laundry……I am still struggling with saying no…….but I am working on that!

As i said this is just a snippet of where I am……..and where I have been…….there is so much that is knit into the fabric of our lives, intertwined in our legacy and heritage……so much of what happens before we are 18 I think is grafted onto our root……we may never be able to rid our root of it but we can keep it pruned……choose different fertilizer………and encourage growth in a different direction…….personalities give different color and growth…….so each of us cope and work thru things differently…….keep walking out your faith……..try to allow yourself to feel your feelings …(god gave you those feelings and he has felt them too) ……just be cautious to not sin in them…….it isn’t always easy……let go of what you can……….it is a process……….and when all else fails ground yourself to your bedroom!!!  I seriously have to do that sometimes either because I am not fit for human consumption…..or I seriously have lost my grip and am way in over my head and need to force myself to rest…….I pray today that no matter who you are or where you are at....that you may have peace, and joy, and rest, contentment with life and the simple things…..spring is such a good time to remind ourselves of that!  and......don't forget to.....

Breathe..........

Friends, Family, strength and weakness

I wrote this today for a friend who is grieving from the loss of her mother, and the responsibility of all that comes with that, recuperating from a long year of trying to meet her mothers needs, tryint to help her family understand how and why she is feeling what she is feeling, job issues for both her and her husband, as well as many "life" changes that come for all of us at one time or another, ..... and all in the span of the last 6 months.  the first part i share is from a book we are studying in our adult bible fellowship class at church and my thoughts on some things I am pondering and the second is a story form a 'hugs for a friend' book i was given.  then again...  my thoughts.  after re reading it I thought we all are in places in our lives.....very different in the pages....how the story reads.....but the same in the cover....we are all doing and journeying thru this thing called Life it is messy and hard and complicatied, and thought we could all benefit from a little encouragement today!  I appreciate the different walks, challenges and sufferings that are uniquely part of you and what God created you for.  WE are saved by grace through faith....our existence is not random....he knew who he was creating....and designed us for specific work....jer. 1:6-10


excerpt from: crazy love by francis chan

........maybe life's pretty good for you right now.  God has given you this good stuff so that you can show the world a person who enjoys blessing but who is still totally obsessed with God.  OR Maybe life is tough right now, and everything feels like a struggle.  god has allowed hard things in your life so you can show the world that your God is great and that knowing Him brings peace and joy, even when life is hard.... to be brutally honest it doesn't really matter what place you find yourself in right now......Your part is to bring him glory- whether eating a sanwhich on a lunch break, drinking coffee at 12.04 am so you can stay awake to study , or watching your four month old take a nap....the point of our lives is to point to him!  .....If life were stable, not fragile....we would never need God's help, for these reason we reach out to him.  
*Worry, implies that we don't quite trust that God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives
*Stress. says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our impatience, our lack of grace towards others, or our tight grip of control.  
*Basically these two behaviors communicate that its okay to sin and not trust God because the stuff in my life is somehow exceptional.  Both worry and stress reek of arrogance.  
end of quotes: 


>I have to confess I  struggle with some of this..... mind you these are quick quips out of this book...and to get the full context you would have to read the chapter.......but when i read the scriptures that go with them.....it challenges me to look at things differently....our "stuff" ...problems, trials, burdens are not unique  or "exceptional" ......neither  in regards to others and especially in regards to Christ....this challenges me to look at life differently......deal with worry differently, trials and tribulations both temporal and ongoing differently.....and continually ask myself......is my life pointing to him???  what am I obsessed with?



Story from hugs for friends:
Right away, from the very first week, God seemed to know that the world would be too wild and whooly for us to make it on our own.  He looked at Adams single self and announced: It's not good for man to be alone .  Then he went to work and fashioned a friend for him named Eve.  When Noah came along and the rain became a flood, God knew Noah would be going through some pretty rough waters.  so he sealed Noah up in the ark and brought his family along for the ride.  God gave Joshua to Moses as a companion for his journey through out the wilderness.  for fourty years they walked and talked and checked their maps, until finally they found the Promised Land.  Daughter in law Ruth was God's gift to Naomi after the rest of her family had died.  In young Davids most desperate hour, the Lord found Jonathan to be exactly the kind of friend David needed to make it to safety.      When everyone and everything was ripped from Job's hands , God allowed the comments of Job's comrades to keep him compnay.  And even as his only son traveled dusty roads and sailed stormy seas, God flanked Jesus with faithful friends and followers.  
The Father knew we couldn't make it on our own either.  So he birthed us into families, but he doesn't stop there.  Once we've been born again, he sets us up with a loving community that laughs awith us and cries with us an prays us on to forever.  


My thoughts:
I know it may seem sometimes that our "families" both birthed,  legal and otherwise may have let us down.....or don't understand us....or have become impatient with us maybe even unfair......or wanting us to be on their timeline....see things the way they do ....implement coping skills that they have.......but we need to know that God sees us......how he created us....our personal uniqueness in all we do and the way we do it ....he sees great value in all of us.  he loves us and understands us the way no other can.  he does not make mistakes, and knows the feelings we  have even if we don't utter them or jot them down.  he gave us those feeling to "feel"  not to sin in.... but to "feel" feeling gives us a better "sense"...... to help others down similiar paths, it gives us compassion and a realness that can't be faked.   I think we should embrace the moments of our lives both pleasant and unpleasant ....go with it....."feel" it.....not to allow it to make us numb......and non responsive.....potenially bitter ......but to use the grief, pain or joy to further our understanding... or come to peace with our lack of understanding.....I think to hold on to even the unpleasantness.... in a good way.....i know....that sounds stupid......but i have found that you can hold on to it......the experience...the memory....or lesson..... store it away if you will,... as a hidden strength you will pull from one day to help another.....or to cross another bridge of your own.  Not that you don't move forward and away from the intensity of this moment in your life......but glean from it all that God intends..... or has allowed for....( heal the wound but leave the scar?)   We can be there for one another pulling from our  "store" of experience and pain or joy and feeling it with each other......in a different way.....now......but in one that has patience, empathy and sympathy for your burden......we can pray each other thru.....walking right beside each other.........  Take heart for Joy comes in the morning!