Ambush

I have to thank my daughter for ambushing me to this internet thing called "facebook"  Un beknownst to me she set me up a page.  "just try it mom"  was what she said.  I have to admit at first I was slightly annoyed....as I need one more thing to do....one more responsibility or expectation.....but I have to admit now, that I have quite enjoyed the reconnecting, learning and networking I have done.  Allowing myself this priveledge to sit and do this semmingly idle non-productive activity.....

One of the reconnects I have made is a friend of mine from highschool she has a fantastic blog!  called Reading Risa!   She writes and I laugh, cry, comisserate, or cheer her on.  I am convinced she is in my head.  It has been such a great thing!  As I was reading her latest entry I was struck by something she referred to....she said she had never been referred to as 'laid back'.....hmmm I thought neither have I!  in fact I am sure it is the last thing anyone would think about me.  I have been called anal,  a neat freak, headstrong, accused of being unable to say no.....but laid back,....not so much. 

I got to thinking about that.  As I shared in my first blog entry.....we have been thru alot of changes in this last decade of our life....I find that life has moved much faster than I anticipated, the gap between my parents and I doesn't seem so infinate.  Life and how I live it has become much more important.  There is so much I thought I would have done and accomplished by now.....but life has a way of beating you up out there.  And as my friend has said what we have been told the "scripts" in our heads as she puts it aren't necessarily the only way to live. 

I want to live out loud a little bit more.....instead of keeping my shoulder to the grindstone so much, or keeping up with the Jones' ( who are they anyway )........Seriously, I can't even tell you the last time I sat and sipped a glass of ice tea on the front porch with a neighbor.....everything is hurry hurry......It seems in someways life has amped up since our girls left home.....I started my career a little late in life, and the maintenance it requires is a little more exhausting than what I had anticipated. The job I keep to maintain paying our bills is not one I want......the overlap of these two worlds coupled with serving the needs of family and friends, building and nourishing relationships, spending time and learning about this "season" of life with my husband, and desiring to find time for myself....... being more diciplined to the things that matter the most to me and figuring out what those things are......

I want to live a life pleasing to the Lord, enjoying the relationship I have with my husband, learning what being friends and mentors to my daughters looks like and playing with and savoring my grandbabies......to exercise in a fashion that is beneficial to me, journal/blog,  spend time in the word.....make time to read on things that are beneficial or maybe just for fun..... make time for relationships with people I can relate to......feel secure and free enough to travel??.( well when we have the money)......adjusting.....or am I??

I have found that I am very driven by expectation....both my own and others....breaking this cycle and focusing not so much on expectation but on what is really important and valuable is a tough shift.  So I purge forward....trying to sift thru what the build up of life and its demands has brought to me and decide what has to stay.....and what can go.....so much of it exists in my head, how I think, have been trained to think, percieve, anticipate and expect....prioritize......

Maybe.... I will not expect so much from myself, possibly my priorities are not as purposed as they are learned or possibly dismissed for the list I am conditioned to achieve......begin to anticipate healthy change and reprieve, strive to percieve from an eternity perspective, and think.... more the way I photograph life......with a little less structure and task drinveness....Breathing......enjoying.....with more flexability.....a little more out of the box......and laid back! 

by the way do catch http://www.readingrisa.wordpress.com/  you will be blessed!

Meanderings of May- Things that matter...

The last decade of my life has been a lesson in perserverance.  I am a wife of a loving husband of 26 years in November and I, have come to know that he is my soul mate.  We have 2 amazing young women as our daughters and their husbands who have brought two fantastic grandkids into our lives, and one on the way!  Talk about life changing events.  I am a bit of an eclectic of careers; I have homeschooled, worked as a chiropractic assistant, worked in adult foster care, Volunteered in youth groups and parent groups, coached cheerleading and taught P.E. and worked as a secretary to a small christian school principle.  I have supplemented our income owning a small cleaning business, but my passion is photography.  Three years ago I partnered with a Studio owner and now own my own photography business and co-manage the studio. I also co-instruct continuing education and student photography with my partner and my daughter who is a photographer for me and my graphic artist to whom without,  my photographic creations would never come to reality! My husband is a supervisor at an Amish custom cabinetry business, and dabbles in parting out motorcycles and refurbishing used cars.  There really isn't anything he can't fix!  We have come to enjoy this empty nesting season of our life love watching movies we haven't seen and having carry out chinese on our living room floor.

I have come to this season in my life finding that I am not even in the same geographic area that I once saw my life being.  Our home is no where near paid for, we no longer own property, We don't even posses a portfolio or retirement fund......most people would see that is failure, or at least failure to plan, although if you know us you would know that is really not the case.  At times I must admit though that I too feel that way.  But today is the anniversary of my husbands father's death and the birthday of his grandfather who is also deceased.  When I pause to think of both of those men in our life and the youth in which his father died, It is not the possesions or wealth they emassed in their lifetime, but the legacy that they left with us, the lessons they taught us, the faith they lived out in front of us and the amazing wife/ daughter that they left behind. ( My husbands mother)  The strength and encouragement, perserverance, courage and faith in the Lord even when she does not understand or perhaps doesn't agree with him....These things that they have taught and demonstrated to me will live on forever. Even when she too is gone. These things can only be emassed in our hearts!

My dad broke his hip last month.  My mother will make sure to tell you "it was not a fraility break" He was playing starwars with his 6 and 2 year old grandsons ( light sabers and all!) out on the unlevel ground of their newly constructed home.  My parents take their health very seriously, and they have taught all of their offspring the same principles.  They are truly testimants to the success of that.  they are 69 and 66 respectively, but most that meet them will tell you they don't look a day over 55 or maybe 60 and don't act a day over 45....I have to say that because I am going to be 45 next year!  They lived in a camper for an entire winter while they worked on building their new home.  They travel from home to home of those of their kids that don't live locally but while they are there or in any of our homes you will not find them leisurly laying by the pool, reading the newest novel, golfing or playing tennis.....they are usually most concerned with what is on the top of your list of things they can do for you!  Plumbing, planting, painting, childcare, cooking, and laundry (My mothers personal favorite)  Dad is a retiree of GM and is a jack of all trades.  He is a perfectionist and even things he knows nothing about he will usually figure out.  My mom is a retired teacher, but continues to teach us plenty as she lives out her life before us.  She continues to carry a couple of interesting jobs, she works in a country store, works for a nutritionist and runs her own organic co-op!  and she is an amazing quilter.  Both of my parents are very talented and artistic and have gifted each of us that in some way, as well as teaching all of us a strong work ethic.  Most of all though they are committed....committed to the Lord, each other and their family.  We all keep in touch with them, in different intervals and intensities  via the usual ways, email, mail, phone calls, pop in visits...  (I often wonder how many emails they answer and phone conversations they have in a week that are just from our little clan) well, I say little,  it totals at 8 children 7 spouses, 18 grandchildren and 2.5 great grandchildren.  Their legacy isn't easy to miss.

So as I sit and asses my life....our life.....We have 26 almost years of  a sucessful marriage.  2 married daughters, and 2.5 grandchildren, we own a motorcycle and love to explore new places on it, Jobs that pay our bills and enough to help out another.  We have good health a sense of belonging, Compassion for others, and haven't forgotten how to laugh and cry.   Life is sometimes messy, and painful, and challenging....there is much of the last decade of our lives that is marked with tears and pain....and lessons learned hard.....but more than that it is marked with growth, and maturity and an ever growing understanding of the things that matter and things that don't